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screw Ahnold's twin

Oct. 3rd, 2009 | 11:48 pm
mood: discontentdiscontent

My brother just posted a video on facebook of the local Cleveland Fox station talking about how Danny DeVito and Oberlin College "saved" the Apollo Movie Theater where I worked for four years of me life.  It sucked.  They took out the old antique projectors from 1930, which ran perfectly fine when I was last there in February, and replaced them with HD projectors.  So much for "preservation" of a historical landmark.  I thoroughly dislike Oberlin College, in spite of its beautiful history and Field.  Money makes stupid.

Oh well.  None of my business anymore.  It's only my childhood and first job memories that are suffering.

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It's been a while

Aug. 19th, 2009 | 04:40 pm
mood: optimisticoptimistic

I guess I haven't updated in the last 18 weeks.  This is becoming suspiciously like every other journal I have ever attempted in my life.

I'm in St. Louis.  I'm with my beloved and our dog.  It's not as weird as I thought it would be, which is weird.  Ironic.  I'm looking for a job, which can mean any number of things, but in my case means "I'll take anything that is legal . . . for now."  So far I've applied to (in no order) Panera (a.k.a. St. Louis Bread Co.), two Targets, a cafe, a bar & grill, a pizzeria, Starbucks, a natural food store, Borders, and a musical instrument store.  Most of those told me they aren't hiring, but Panera and the Natural Way both are, at least.  A few places wouldn't even give me an application ("We're overstaffed," "We can't afford (hiring)," and "We don't have any applications").  Both Jo and I are extremely optimistic, but I came home (home!?) yesterday a bit depressed from collecting the applications.  I also have one to turn in to the city of Webster Groves, which is the town we're actually living in.

The other night I wrote a poem on some notepad.  Just finished typing it up.  It is certainly not complete.  Apparently, it's decided to be a bit epic (for me), as I'm now starting a fourth section.  The working title is "A Few Episodes of Luis, Who Is a Matchstick."  I think I like it, but I always like what I'm working on.  I recently started going through my old poetry and revamping some.  I've reached a point where I'm really unsure of my direction as a poet.  I don't mean whether I want to be or not; that's not a choice.  I mean how my work is developing.  Changing.  Or how it's not.  Or how my old poetry, especially the ones that are dear to me, are somewhat sophomoric.  Maybe that's a bit harsh, but the point is that there's plenty of room for growth.  Of course, I think there's always room for growth, no matter who you are or what you do or how good you are at it.  You see my dilemma.  But at least I'm writing.  I've written 9 poems since my last poetry workshop (which was about a year and a half ago).  I'm pretty happy with most of them, so perhaps something is going right.  And that's not counting the Prompt Book, which was something Joanna made for me for Christmas.  I didn't type those up since they're more experimental, but they have influenced me to expand my horizons.  I've since written a poem based on a Big Mac box, a poem about Swiper the Fox from Dora the Explorer, and a poem about our friend Elliott.  They all certainly owe their creation in part to Joanna's prompting.

Anyway, that's a lot (for me).  Maybe I'll start writing about poetry more often, as I seem to like to write about that.  Speaking of writing, I've finally started knuckling down on my post-grad reading.  I read Bonsai, a remarkably obscure Chilean novella that we were supposed to read for Dan's novella class.  Also I read a collection of short-stories by Tobias Wolff (In the Garden of the North American Martyrs), which was excellent.  I've started reading several others, but I'm trying to focus on one book at a time.  I feel really lame as a reader.  Oh well.  The future looks bright for that, even if I get a job.  (That was a joke.  I NEED a job within three months or else we won't be able to pay rent.)

P.S.  Somebody remind me to apply to grad school at some point before December.  

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Happy Jesusrising

Apr. 12th, 2009 | 09:19 am

I've had two songs stuck in my head: "Looking Out My Back Door" or whatever that Credence song is called (because of Big Lebowski) and "Tombstone" by Crowded House (because of Jesus).  The refrain of the latter song goes "Roll back the tombstone / Let the saints appear" and is one of my favorite songs.   The other song's refrain goes like this: "Look look look looking out my back door" and says something about tambourines and elephants.

In short, I'm flying high. 

Cavs on Wednesday.  Decisions also.  This is a big week. 

The Mill was phenomenal.  I thank all of you who were able to come to the Release Party, and love to all of you who have expressed your support.  I am so proud of The Mill.  And of Joanna, because--honestly--she worked at least as hard, as long, and as lovingly on it as I did.  She's also an incredible editor.  I am madly in love with her, in case you hadn't guessed.  And being there, with all those people, just made me so elated, especially since people like Marissa and my friend John, who have big people jobs in the big people world, took time out of that to show how much they care.  I was so touched.  The Mill was and is, without a doubt, the best thing about my undergraduate life.

I gotta go.  Easter service in 10.

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The Mill, The Maelstrom, and The Missouri

Apr. 5th, 2009 | 07:06 pm
mood: jubilantjubilant

So, The Mill Release Party is in two days, and I'm super excited.  I can't wait to see them.  It's going to be the closest thing I'm going to feel to having a baby until I actually have a baby.  Tomorrow we pick it up. 

I just finished writing my Maelstrom "Fight Pickin' Issue," which was about how much The Maelstrom sucks.  I think it's the best thing I've written for Mael since when I wrote about Joanna and I getting Nosferatu.  I also covered the advice column for The Chatterbox, and I had a ball.  I'm feeling good right now.  The ice cream sandwich probably has a lot to do with that.  Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!

Dan Holahan's birthday party last night was great.  Elliott (Frank) and I really bonded.  He's an awesome guy, and can talk on more "nerdy" (his word) subjects than anyone I know.  I also had an Eliot Ness (ironic) for the first time in forever, which was great.  And my clothes I wore smell entirely of cigarette smoke.  And the Mongolian Barbeque is still barbequing my stomach, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm moving to Missouri this Fall.  With my puppy and my lover.  I still can't imagine that one.  I really would love to get into UMSL, but maybe taking a year off is what I need.  We'll see. . . .

The "puppy" is now trying to lie across my shoulders and lick the inside of my ear.  And when I say "lie across my shoulders," please understand I'm not exaggerating in any way.  He's 45+ pounds.  Yep, I love him.

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Happiness does not relieve stress

Mar. 16th, 2009 | 04:39 pm
mood: intimidatedintimidated

So.  I got an acceptance.  To Emerson College in Boston.  I also was put on University of Massachusetts-Boston's wait list.  I mostly felt an immense amount of relief.  After that, so many people seemed so happy for me that I was truly touched.  Joanna's mom bought some ice cream and beer.  Sharon and Dan sent me very nice emails, and then congratulated me enthusiastically when I saw them in person.  Mike Dolzani shook my hand, which almost made me faint.  Many other people have extended congratulations one way or another.  In short, I've felt a bit overwhelmed, but most certainly in a good way.

Now, despite all this, I feel that I will not be slowing down the rest of the school year.  Joanna and I have been applying for jobs, planning a trip to Boston this weekend (!), bought plane tickets to St. Louis for the following weekend (!!!!!), and I am trying to figure out what school is, because I feel like I haven't done it in months.  While much of this is great and fun, my head just feels like its spinning, and spinning out of control.

I have an eye doctor appointment on Thursday.

I wish I could make sense of my life, but too much is happening too fast.  Where am I going to get money?  If you know, please tell me.  And if anyone says "stock market," I'm going to punch that person.  I wish I had some sort of job.  I guess this is just the old run-of-the-mill situation for people like me and Joanna, but I sure as hell wish I didn't feel like I needed cigarettes.  I don't like it when I feel that way.  I like cigarettes; I do not like thinking I need them.

Tomorrow should relieve some stress, but then again I might just end up drunk.  I sure hope not.  I'm going to be in a plane in a couple weekends.


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I have found my career

Mar. 6th, 2009 | 02:46 am

I have decided to move to the China wilderness and become a Panda whisperer.

In other news:

I received the first notification from one of my M.F.A. programs.  Actually, it was my first choice: Washington University in St. Louis.  This was the answer: no.


Well, I was pretty bummed out.  Then I had to go immediately after finding out to this rather silly, extremely tedious audition session for my Directing class.  Nearly everyone in the class is crazy.  The class itself is crazy.  I have to say, I am not at all impressed with the Theatre department here.  They're definitely no match, anyway, for the English dept. 
So, at any rate, I told Dan Hoyt, and he's been wonderfully supportive, even to the point of saying he thought that U Miss (also in St. Louis) was a better fit for me.  Both he and Sharon met with me today for reviewing The Mill selections.  I have a pretty good idea of what's going to be in (which is a TON of GREAT stuff), and they made me think about some others, most of which I immediately agreed with.  So that's good.

With The Mill, Joanna has been amazing.  She has put in just as much time and effort into it as me, and has just been so supportive of me.  Besides, she is a better editor than I am, and has taught me a lot.  Sharon said today that she thought we worked better as a team than any editors before (is only she knew . . . heh heh heh).

I'm really excited about Danit Brown coming on the 24th of March.  She may be bringing her BABY!!!  I love babies!!  I love The Mill readings!  I'm also totally stoked about The Mill.  It's gonna be great.

P.S.  Our puppy is freakin' huge.

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Nobody Likes Me

Mar. 2nd, 2009 | 09:57 pm
mood: bitchybitchy

For some reason, no one, not even spam, has e-mailed me at my gmail account.  This is probably because no one, not even spam, knows what my address is since I created it about a week ago, and I've only used it once.  However, many people know my B-W e-mail address, and the people who have e-mailed me in the last couple days have been: regular daily e-mails that get sent to everyone, one Dan Hoyt class e-mail, and several e-mails from myself.  That's right; I'm so pathetic I have to e-mail myself.

I'm still not going to tell anyone my gmail account.  What fun is a secret if you tell someone?  And what fun is bitching and moaning if you know somebody's going to send you a pity e-mail? (You would, right?)

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Joanna, Writing, and Haircutting

Feb. 24th, 2009 | 05:17 am
location: A chair in Joanna's kitchen
mood: ecstaticecstatic
music: Joanna's iTunes (currently R.E.M.'s Everybody Hurts)

I just had one of the weirdest writing moments of my life.  Joanna was writing on her computer, and I was writing in my notebook.  I started writing what we were doing as though it were a story.  It was great; maybe I'll post it here, since it is sort of a creative journal, you could argue.

Now she's cutting my hair while I write this.

The best part is that her livejournal entry from just a bit ago is in a similar vein to what I wrote.  I love her like crazy.  I also love the sound of an electric hair clipper, but Joanna easily outpaces that and every other thing in my life that I love, even trees.  I don't think she's reading this because she's so focused on my disgusting hair.  I'm mad about her.

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(no subject)

Feb. 21st, 2009 | 06:22 pm

On Thursday we workshopped the first part of my novella.  Everybody was confused, but that's good, because now I know how silly my prose can be if I'm not careful.  Dan Hoyt and I had a great talk about the difference between poetry and prose.  He just sent me a really long e-mail (which, for Dan Hoyt, is some sort of achievement) in which he reiterated how confused everyone was and how I need to focus on prose rather than poetry.

Interestingly, I have been writing some poetry today for the first  time in weeks.  I wrote three haikus during the last performance for Dance Concert (my fear can rest easy now), and I worked a bit on a poem I started a long time ago, but it remains unfinished.  One of the haikus was about the sweatshirt I am wearing, Sweatshirts (my brother's band), flower pots, and monks, all linked together in about 17 or 18 syllables.  Another was about scrambled eggs and a yellow dress (things I relate with Joanna, even though I've never seen her wear a yellow dress).  Another sucked.  This sudden burst of haikuing stemmed from this book I read while waiting for the Dance Concert to start that was talking about the layers in a Matsuo Basho haiku.  It was great; I almost stole it from the Green Room library in Kleist.  I still may . . . .

Joanna is in Greek Sing, which I'm going to see.  She says I'll hate it.  Maybe I will, but I get to see the little vixen on stage, so I could care less what I think of the rest of it.

I would be in The Mill office, but I forgot my key.  So I'm in the Cyber Cafe, which apparently--I hear--used to be a bowling alley.  Oh, how I wish it still was. 

Oh yes!!  I almost forgot.  I can hear again out of my left ear.  Yay!!!!  Some brown goop of earwax all came tubling out of my ear.  Yuck!!!

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nuthin much

Feb. 19th, 2009 | 03:29 am
mood: exanimateexanimate

I'm just sitting here now that I'm back from Dance Concert.  Running spots is weird, but we get headsets.  Yay.

I'm doing better with the heights thing.  It helps when people are on stage, and they almost always are. I still move like an old man in molasses while I'm up there.

I'm wearing an old Cleveland Force shirt.  I'm going to wear it again tomorrow.  I might even wear it Friday, I like it so much.  It's yellow.

Novella's going.  It's depressing as hell.  Which is good, because on this rainy, midweek, dark day, Mike Dolzani talked in class about death, death, and death.  He apologized, but I loved it.

I'm missing my better half right now, and I'm hungry.  At least I can fix one of those problems : \  (<<By the way, what the hell does this "smiley" mean?  A colon and a backwards linebreak indicator?  What the fuck.  Also, I picked the mood that best fit it, so I'm just an idiot all around.)

P.S.  Mike Brown just said (quote): "I like my team" (unquote). You better, Mr. Potato-Head

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